Working with Children, Life Decisions and Moving Back to England!

Where do I start after a lot of months without posting on my blog? It's safe to say this will be a long one, as a lot has happened since I returned to Barcelona in mid-September. This year my lifestyle is quite different. I work in a new school but just like the school last year, this one is in the heart of Barcelona. In fact they are only ten minutes walking from each other, but there are bigger differences between them than the walking distance. My last school was very Catalan, and my current one is mainly Spanish. I guess you need to be aware of the political situation here to understand why that is a big factor which is something that I can't begin to try and explain in this post. The first month being back in Barcelona was very stressful with finding a flat and starting my new job. I was almost sure that I was going to be forced back to England if I didn't have a flat, but it all worked out and here I am six months later, over half way through my contracted time at the school. I live in a beautiful flat, close to the centre with two lovely Catalan girls.

When you are a native English speaker in a school you have a very significant role, in some ways your presence is similar to a celebrity. The first few weeks you have the full attention of everyone in the school because you are English. You have to convince the children you don't speak any language other than English, until you realise that it's fun to surprise them when you respond to something they are conversing about in their mother tongue. They say 'Me entiendes?, to which I usually respond with a cheeky smile. I understand a lot of Spanish but still I lack a lot of ability to speak it.

Language is a prominent barrier, but more with the younger kids. As I have said in previous posts, language in general is difficult about living in Barcelona. There are times when I feel like I'm missing out if the children are saying things to me in Spanish and I don't understand. I think about if I were teaching at home, I would be able to respond to everything. Not being able to speak the native language can make you feel alone even if you are surrounded by people, and I still haven't found the motivation or time to learn the language efficiently. If you ever come to Barcelona and expect to leave having learnt Spanish to perfection then think again - Catalan rules this city.

Although I am not a qualified teacher, and I'm still yet to experience handling a class of 20-30 children on my own, what I have learnt is that every day is different. I have to adapt myself from being with as young as 3 years old, to working with almost adults at the age of 17/18. I wonder which you think I prefer… 

The role of an English speaking assistant can be daunting but also incredibly exciting if you approach it with the right mindset. The first weeks are hard, just like any job but then it gets easier. I'm trying to be optimistic with my job and start every day with an open mind to possibilities of the end result. Kids will always surprise you. Open up to them and they will do the same to you; be serious when you need to, but stay casual and break down a few of the boundaries that have been built between students and teachers as well as making sure they still understand when something is overstepping the line. 

Some Mondays I can arrive home absolutely exhausted and pretty negative because I've had a day which didn't go the way that I hoped it did, but then when it arrives to Thursday or Friday I have had days that the children left an imprint on my life because I have seen the enthusiasm and excitement shine in the eyes of the ones that love learning, and enjoy speaking English. It's those moments where I love my life and my job. It's moments like the time I stayed at school from 5 until 6, with a a few 11 to 12 year olds to doing an event about pancakes which resulted in us running around the classroom doing Pancake Races, all in hysterics and crying from laughter; these are the memories that go to the long term.

However, in all honesty, I'm struggling more this year. I feel more homesick and a greater attachment to England, and with that attachment comes a big urge to live there again. I think some people don't the negative aspects when a person moves abroad to somewhere a bit more exotic than their home country. Barcelona is great but I don't enjoy it as much this year. You can't appreciate all of the best bits when you have a full time job, and more things to do as it's not just a holiday; I live a normal working life, although I like to think my job isn't especially 'normal'. The thought of normality makes my job seem bleak. 

Another thing is that when you live abroad in places very cosmopolitan, people come and go. They come for a few months doing an erasmus or perhaps they work, but only one year. A lot of the friends I made last year left. We were all part of the same programme, living with families and working in schools. Sometimes you have contextual friendships - some of those people you meet and share mainly your location and situation in common. University is a big example of this. You become friends due to the situation you are all in, and then after the context is taken away, your 'friendship' can begin to fade. I'm not saying this negatively, i'm not making any comment about the authenticity of those friendships, I'm just observing the many friends I have met and not managed to keep in contact with. Imagine though, it would be impossible to stay in constant contact with everyone you met along your life. 

Unfortunately when life gets in the way of living we don't have enough time to write all those Whatsapps, Facebook messages or emails. I'm terrible with contacting my lifelong friends, let alone those I only knew for some months. It's important to appreciate that they were a part of that period of your life, and they contributed to the amazing memories and stories you have collected. We all having incredible friends where even distance can't affect that bond you share. However, don't disregard the idea of impromptu reunions like I have managed have with a couple of people I met during my Erasmus in Germany. It's always fun to meet and reminisce about the 'old days'.

Some days I love my job, and others I don't which is completely understandable. I live for the weekends like every regular person, even if my weekends end up being pretty dull as the energy I have goes into my five day week. I am happy that this past month and a half I have been able to get out and go to concerts; Hozier, Foals and Ellie Goulding. Concerts have always been one of my favourite ways to spend time and music is my escape. Last year, I struggled to find bands I wanted to see, therefore I'm happy that this year I have been able to.

Ellie Goulding was really special as I have always loved and admired her, and even though I've seen her before, the concert in Palau Sant Jordi Club in Barcelona had a great sense of intimacy. There wasn't the same crushed crowds as in England, instead there was distance, space to move and visibility. I could actually see her with my own eyes. I'm not sure it even sold out. I have noticed that there is a different atmosphere at concerts here. Maybe I'm wrong, but it feels more relaxed, rather than in England where every second you have sweaty people rubbing up against you. In Barcelona, you are left more room to breathe, but perhaps this is also related to the status the artist has in the country. For example, Ellie Goulding is more known in England than here. 

Foals and Hozier were great too because I shared the moment with special people. My sister came to visit especially for Hozier, and we even witnessed him perform an impressive upbeat cover of  the mellow song 'Blackbird', by the Beatles, which is a song close to both of our hearts. Then, Foals was crazy as usual and even better that Magí was able to experience it with me. They are one of my favourite bands, so now we have both shared one of our favourite bands with each other. I have seen La Gossa Sorda with him a couple of times now.

Seeing these British and Irish artists hit a nerve about home. I miss the music scene in England, and the countless unsigned artists you can discover. I don't know but the music scene here wasn't how I expected it to be. I always love connecting with people over bands, and comparing playlists, realising the similar admiration you have for bands or artists. Music is extremely important to me and I find it the one of the biggest sources of my inspiration. I'm sure there's lots of great Catalan/Spanish bands here but I find them harder to identify with as for me, and a lot of people, lyrics are very important.

Recently, there is one song in particular that reminds me of England which is Foals', 'London Thunder'. As the song builds and gradually reveals the lyrics 'come back to London thunder' I can't help but get lost in a trail of thoughts related to the hidden message of the song, thinking about home and the things I have there. This is one of my favourite songs at the moment and is repeatedly played on my Spotify. I identify with it in regards to my current context. Yannis admitted in an interview that 'London Thunder' is about 'being away and having some sort of experience that changes you, and waiting to return, knowing that the world you’re returning to will be subtly different because you are'. That's definitely relevant to me in relation to being torn between Catalonia and England. England will feel different, only because I feel different in myself.

Thankfully this year I have been able to travel home easier due to actually having the funds for it this time around. Going to England a few weekends ago was really special because I was not only able to see my friends and family, but also I took Magi there with me. The moments when all those people of my life are in one place are amongst the most perfect. It's hard being in Barcelona away from the comfort of my family and friends, but it's always better when you have one person that can bring you 'home' a bit. I have to dedicate some part of this blog to him as I have grown a lot from meeting him last year and he's had a huge impact on my life. I'm so grateful that our paths crossed and that I met someone so genuine and loving. He showed me what it feels like to love and be loved. We're meant to meet good people that will bring out the best in us, and he does just that. 

With my contract ending in June as the school year comes to an end, I'm in another unavoidable stage of my life that leaves me with unanswered questions and possible directions, but one direction that is certain, for at least the next year, is England. I have booked my one-way flight back for mid-July and I'm already looking forward to it. By the time July comes I will have spent almost two years living in this diverse and beautiful city, a place which has become second home and has a permanent place in my heart. I feel that when I fled to Barcelona and Catalonia I was a little naive and unhappy, escaping from the doubts and insecurities in my mind and life. Much like a lot of us that travel, we go away to find ourselves, to discover things we never realised before, to meet people we would never have had the chance to meet before, and as a result of all of this we feel ourselves change. Our eyes are opened to things you can only learn from these types of experiences. You learn lessons of life that no one can even come close to try and teach you.

Living in Catalonia I have absorbed a view of life, that you are only ever as old as you feel. I see people of all ages going out and enjoying themselves here, no matter if they are 18 or 50. There are so many young spirits within those with an older body. Our body is only the foundation of who we are. At the end of the day, your body is just your body and your disguise, what lies beneath is the most important. It's crucial to realise that we still have time, and to not grow up too quickly or stop having fun too early. It doesn't matter if you're not sure on your career path by the time you are 20, 21, 22, or almost nearing 30. Just do things, have experiences, test yourself and learn from it. Never settle for anything that doesn't truly make you happy.

I still have yet to make my final decision of what I will do after term finishes in June, well except for deciding whether to go back to England because that decision is made. My top choice in this current moment is some sort of teacher training. Although every day I am learning more about teaching, children's minds, and education through my experiences in the schools, I want and need to learn more. I know that I have many weaknesses amongst my strengths in the world of education. Ever since I was little I remember wanting to be a teacher. I was that kid that played with those doubled-sided chalkboards mounted on easels, pretending to teach an imaginary class, or calling a register and awaiting voiceless students reply to me, however I also dreamed of being a singer, or a marine biologist just because I loved dolphins...though a teacher seems a lot more like me. Even if I try teaching I don't know that this will be my permanent career. I don't think I wan't to be stationary in a job, although stability is safer, it may not be what makes you happiest.

I always hope to inspire people in some way or another. I want to rack someone's brain with my words. I guess that's what I hope to do when someone reads something I write. I know that more than often my writing is a collection of explosive thoughts from my whirlwind of a brain. I have sat here for hours re-writing and trying to organise it into a consistent flow, but sometimes with my writing that's impossible. I write with the intent for people to read and identify with something, and maybe they identify with my rambling. I guess that's one thing - I am not scared to write how I feel. We are all people with thoughts and opinions and I try to put mine out there in open.

It's not long until I'm home again, I go home for a few days over Easter, after I go to the Pyrenees for a couple of days which I can't wait for. Then it's the last run until July, the last term and probably the most difficult of the school. I have many things to look forward to like when my mum comes to visit, one of my good friends from England visiting, and also going back to Girona again. The warmer months are always the best ones, then I will be reunited with England again and this time more permanently. It's been a long time, and although it makes me nervous and it will be insanely strange, I'm ready to live there again. I just have a few hard career related decisions to make first. Anyone want to volunteer to do that for me, please feel free!

Adéu, fins despres! 

(Goodbye, see you soon)